Thursday, February 28, 2008

Catharsis

I like...

...my brain.
...how quick I am.
...the way I can make people laugh.
...how much I know. Even though there are downsides to this. A lack of understanding: the way I feel like a Marmite person. I long, sometimes, to be naive. Although I know that I actually couldn't stand it.
...being unusual. That's my angle. I'm quirky and I'm comfortable being quirky. Who wants to be normal?
...my arms and legs, for all sorts of reasons.
...my achievements.
...my history.
...the fact that I am generous. That if I can do something I will.
...talking and writing, and that I can talk and write.
...having a command of English.

I don't like...

...the fact that I smoke. It didn't even seem like a good idea when I started. It's the first thing I'd change about myself. It's the only thing I'd change if I could only change one thing. It's expensive. It smells. I don't want my children to have to live for fifty years without a father.

...my weight. I'm overweight. I know I am. I have been for a while. I know what I need to do about it. I'm not daft. I know what I have to do about everything.

...my vanity.

...how I expect everything. I expect everything to happen without the least amount of effort on my part. I expect it all to fall into my lap. I expect luck.

...being pessimistic about my optimism.

...the way my conscience tells me things: speaks to me and tells me what to do, what I should be doing, when my mind and body won't obey its instructions.

...how lazy I am. I don't seem able to do anything sometimes. No matter how important it is or how much it would benefit me or others.

...being flippant. My ex-wife said I should be jailed for flippancy but...well...you know...whatever.