Thursday, September 07, 2006


It's that difficult "second post".

The first one was easy, it practically wrote itself, but the follow-up? It was always going to be difficult, unlike going on a diet for the first time.

With an inaugural diet there's that sense of the unusual, the romance, the challenge, the novelty, the build-up, the deadline, the unknown. Wobbling blindly but purposefully into a lighter future with every ounce of willpower you possess, determined to stride purposefully into the future, lighter. Inevitably each subsequent diet will fail for exactly the same reasons that the first diet was a comparative success. The familiarity, the tedium, the contempt. The only way you'll ever be a Slimmer of the Year is by being uber-obese and losing two thirds of your body weight. If this does happen to you don't forget to keep and old pair of trousers so a family can stand up in them.

This is the nature of slimming awards, and precisely the reason why the nature of slimming awards will decide the fate of the human race. Congratulating someone for losing 100lbs is like congratulating an alcoholic for staying on the wagon. And the idea that they should be rewarded for improving their life expectancy is slightly baffling. But. You know. Hey. I'm fat. Maybe I'm just bitter about the fact that I'm not fat enough to be a Slimmer of the Year. Losing 20lbs is a lot harder than losing 100lbs.

People want praise and recognition, of course. Flattery will get you almost anywhere. And and and why do we celebrate losers anyway? What's wrong with coming first? What's wrong with coming third? Are you answering these questions? And if you are, why?

This is ALL about The Originals. It's about The Original versus The Re-make. It's about the Prequel and The Sequel (whichever came first). It's about The Original versus The Cover Version. It's about James Bond and Doctor Who. It's about 'Live & Let Die'. It's about TV Series' and books being made into films. It's about our perception. Why is it that, in general, the older we get the more we prefer The Original? It's like a horoscope. Your Dr Who defines your era.

Me? I'm around the cusp of John Pertwee and Tom Baker, but I definitely show more Bakeresque tendencies.

Do me a favour, congratulate at least one person for one thing every day. Lie to them if you have to. It's not difficult. People ask you how you are and you tell them that you're not bad. This isn't any different. If everyone does this then the world will be a better place, and we'll all know for certain that it's full of liars and losers.


Fatzers said...

I congratulate you on your blog resolution :)

Phew, that took care of "one person a day", I can go on being a self-absorbed twat...

Yours faithfully, ect.


Smeegle said...

In no man's land the days are long.

Ordinary Girl said...

I think we prefer the original because it defines our place in time and gives values to our past, which is much easier to remember with rose-tinted glasses than an acceptance we may not have done it perfectly in "our time" because today is better.

And as for Dr Who. I hated it as a child, but adore the new series' now. Of course... the addition of David Tennant may have contributed...

PS. You can't beat a bit of Worzel Gummidge :-)